I’d never expected my first time to be in a cabin in the woods, but I realized the place didn’t matter. The person did. With someone you loved, you could be anywhere, and it would be incredible. Being in the most luxurious bed in the world wouldn’t matter if you were with someone you didn’t love. And oh, I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt.
I’m actually not miserable all the time it’s just that the only time I post on tumblr is when I’m miserable
Which, when I think about it, actually is quite frequently I suppose, because I’m in college two hours away from home and I miss being with my family and my boyfriend and I did poorly on a midterm today and I’m scared. I don’t know what of exactly, just, the thought of fucking up in some respect.. I feel like college itself is this overwhelming encumbrance that’s making me lose my mind, but it’s the only thing that I can do to become the person that I want to be. I want certain things out of my life so badly, and failure terrifies me. The phrase “having what it takes” has been haunting my thoughts, and my own potential, (atleast intelligently) has never been an issue in my mind, until now. It’s not that I don’t feel capable in that regard, it’s my mental stability that could potentially hinder my happiness, because doing well and accomplishing my goals, is a part of what I identify as “happiness.”
I don’t know if I’m making much sense. I don’t know why I stopped taking my medication. I don’t know what to do. The issue with all of this is that I haven’t been able to bring my car up to Louisville yet, hence not being able to find a doctor- plus my doctor will completely change, meaning having to explain my issues again, meaning having to start from a new slate completely. I wasn’t ready for everything to change and it was all forced upon me and I would give anything to have normality back into my life.